Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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