Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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