She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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