dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
