and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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