Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
