Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
