"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
