I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
