get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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