last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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