Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
