I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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