He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
