my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
