he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
