none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
