my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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