I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
