I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
do nipples grow back?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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