Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
