Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
