The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
