I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
