Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
