can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
