She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
