she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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