So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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