the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
