Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's get the cat blown out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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