He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
