Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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