6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
