You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
