guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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