I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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