I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
