Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
