whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
