he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
high people should be assigned attendants
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
