Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
