it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
be right there i have to get my cape
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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