im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
