She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
