Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's paint friendship bongs
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
