I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
