ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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