He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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