HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
