You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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